How To Flush Out Bin Laden


Noah is now almost completely on solid foods.  This has led to hour long feeding sessions were he grunts his way through his meal.  Because he is feeding himself it gives me a fair amount of time to stare off into space and come up with fantastic ideas.  It was during one of these long lunches that I realized I had a way to flush Bin Laden out of his cave. You see, there is a down side to starting your child on solid food, the smell that comes out of them later.

A few weeks ago I went to empty Noah’s diaper pail; I took off the lid and pulled out the bag. Great googly moogly! The smell could make an onion cry.  I ran out of the room.  A few minutes later I took a deep breath and ran back in, grabbed the garbage bag and raced for the garbage can in the car port.  As darkness was creeping into the corners of my eyes, from lack of oxygen, I threw the bag into the can and slammed the lid.  Several days later I took out the kitchen trash; I open the lid of the garbage can for a second maybe two and tossed in the garbage bag.  As I turned to walk back into the house an over powering stench filled the air.  I came to with the dog standing over me with a worried look on his face.  It was at this point that I came up with my plan.

My idea is simple and economical, though not very environmentally friendly. No matter, the terrorist are not particularly friendly to our environment.   Here is how it would work. Parents of children who are on solid foods and still in diapers could sign up to donate the poo filled diapers to the Military. The diapers, quadruple bagged, would then be shipped over to Afghanistan.  There they would be taken to staging areas and then distributed into the caves where the terrorist may be hiding. With the fermentation time, the amount of diapers and by removing  them from the bags it should only  take day or two for the stench to reach the back of even the deepest cave. At this point Bin Laden would throw down his weapons and come running, possible screaming, out of the cave.  The major question is who will we get to put the diapers into the caves once they have been removed from the bags?  It would have to be someone who was just a little insane. You may be thinking why not our military? To that I say, haven’t they been through enough?    I recommend that guy from Colorado, Gary Faulkner, he has tried a couple times to kill Bin Laden; I bet he would do this job for a plane ticket, some MREs and a protective mask.

I like to think that the President as well as the Joint Chiefs have all subscribed to my blog , and I hope you have too, but just in case they haven’t I am going to send them a hard copy of this plan. I would send a diaper along as an example but the post office has rules against mailing hazardous materials.

One thought on “How To Flush Out Bin Laden

  1. Excellent idea Jorden. Gave me a chuckle. You definitely have too much time on your hands. Its hard to imagine something so vile could come from a kid so adorable.

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