Boys Come Equipped With a Water Cannon and A Howitzer

This is just one of a handful of older post you can read to pass the time until I can tell you about our latest adventure.

Our son is young enough that I did not have to jump into the deep end of this stay at home dad adventure alone, as my wife is still home on maternity leave. We had a plan all worked out for when she went back to work but not for me staying home all the time. I am certain that if the plan had changed this abruptly when she was already back at work I would have completely lost what little sanity I have left. I am a planner, so I like to have at least a skeleton of an idea as to what I plan on doing. Right now our skeleton plan consist of maybe a leg, which can hardly stand on its own. I also like to be organized, everything should have a place, if that place happens to be in a box neatly labeled on a shelf all the better. This is not the case in the our office/studio right now. Nor in several rooms of our house or the garage. This is because one of the great perks of my last job was we could store personal items in one of the buildings that occupied the 400 plus acres. We had everything from high school year books to Christmas ornaments and old floppy disks from college boxed away in one of the buildings. I think we may have a issue of holding onto things for a bit too long, but both of us will steadfastly argue that each and everyone one of those things is important. Including the 5 or 6 frames that I have lugged to at least 5 different residences and two states and have yet to use. But I digress, you did not come here to read about my slightly necrotic nature, and when I started typing all this I did have a point. If you happen to find it let me know.

I really wanted to talk about how boys come equipped with a water cannon in the front and a howitzer int he rear. The water cannon, something of an urban legend that is more truth than legend. It does not matter if you have children or not, everyone knows that little boys pee on their parents with the accuracy of an Army sharp shooter. Having been peed on with in the first two days of Noah being home we have taken to covering him with a washcloth, knowing that this is of course a futile attempt to protect ourselves. For Noah can shoot pee a distance up to three feet and I dare say could hit the bulls eye with out a problem. I am waiting for the day when the washcloth is shot into the air as if it were part of a water show at Disneyland.
The howitzer is an entirely differnt matter, there is a scientific explanation for all the noise that comes out from back there. Something to do with bacteria or lack of in the intestines. But the force that accompanies it, there is no explanation for that. Noah is a little under ten pounds and is 22″ long, our cat weighs more than he does and yet just last weekend he showed a display of force that may be considered super human. There he was on the changing table and we were trying as quickly as possible to get on his third diaper in as many minutes when all of the sudden he pooed again. This time however the poo shot through the air past my wife and hit the wall a few feet away. Noah waved his arms with glee while we stared in disbelief at what had just happened. No one ever told us that we needed to watch our for flying poo! This is something you think they would at least mention in the prenatal class or perhaps some of the nice parents who warned us of pee could have warned us of this. Could it be that our son has super natural pooing powers?
Because of all this I have been pondering over the last week as to where i might be able to pick up one of those clear boxes with the arm holes. You know the ones that scientist use when dealing with radio active material. it would be perfect for the changing table, just put the baby inside and go to work. There is no need to worry about being peed on or pooed on and if it does get dirty in there you can just take it outside and hose it off. better yet it could come apart and you could stick it in the dishwasher. Perhaps if I have time between changing diapers and dodging pee I will look into this.

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One response to “Boys Come Equipped With a Water Cannon and A Howitzer

  1. If we were to warn you about the poooo, what fun would life be.

    Like

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